andexecutioner | PRIVATE MEETINGS

[...Oh.

For a good long moment, it's obvious that he actually doesn't know what to do with that; he looks up at her, sure, but his expression is that strange, blank look that he usually reserves for people being emotional in his general direction. Not quite as frozen-up as he had been the time Fern had cried at him, but approximately that distant, and it takes him a moment to shake it off.]

I don't know if I'd call it noble. If someone has a last request, you grant it. That's all.

Not everyone would, though. Especially not one that requires taking responsibility for that kind of act. [She doesn't mean it in reference to the rules. It's just the right words to fit the situation.]

There's nothing in the rules or anything like that which makes you honor these requests. The fact that you are... well, it lends a lot of weight to your answer before, that this isn't meant as torture to us.

...No, it isn't.

[And that's...weird, maybe a little hesitant; it isn't long before his gaze darts back down toward the cards.]

It's just something that doesn't sit well with me, I guess - the idea of not honoring things like that. It doesn't hurt me any to grant it; it's never my idea of a good time, but it's never really occurred to me to not do it at all.

If I can grant a last request I can. That's just how I work.

[She has to think over her next words for a moment. It hadn't been why she brought the topic up, but when he phrases it that way, a dark thought comes to mind.]

... ... ...

That isn't why you granted my request, is it? That you know, or expect, I'm going to...?

No, it isn't.

I can do a lot of things, but predicting the future isn't one of them.

[She nods, and exhales slowly. A discrete sigh of relief. And then, she looks at him with a firm expression.]

At any rate, I guess I wanted to say...

Well, don't take this the wrong way. I'm not about to fawn over you or give you pet names or make little toys to win your favor. I don't think doing favors for us absolves you from your other actions -- and more importantly, I don't think you expected anything like that.

But I've been thinking about it, and... because of the way this game was set up, I'm pretty sure I've been demonizing you unfairly. You've been a lot more honest than I expected. And while this game is cruelty enough, you yourself don't seem bound by the nature of the game.

Even if you're our enemy, you're one I can respect.

[He mulls that over for a while before he responds; he's clearly thinking that over, though, even if he seems disengaged and infinitely more interested in the cards than he is in looking Jean in the face.]

I don't expect any of you to fawn over me or bring me things. And I'd prefer that you call me by name or nothing at all. What the other people want to do is their business. It's definitely not winning them my favor either way - if they break the rules, or if they lose the game, they're going to die just like everyone else. I'm not going to tell them to stop, because you guys surprise me a lot of the time and I like that. But if they think they're going to get anywhere by treating me like that, they're delusional, and perhaps worse, they're probably stupid.

At the same time, if that's how you want to see it...well, that's a lot more fair, probably.

[He flips a few more cards over. Shuffles them back in. Starts over.]

You can keep hating me if you want to, even despite all the talk of respect. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this to some extent. I think that much is obvious, I like parts of what I do.

But I'm pretty sure I get respecting people you hate. Besides, it'd just be weird if you decided you were going to trip all over yourself like Aligula and Ferid do. They're embarrassing.

That's what I'm saying, though. I don't think I do hate you.

Not that I try to hate anyone, but I was certainly willing to make an exception in your case. And yet... [She reflects momentarily on her second dream. How, in confronting the Cult Leader, she was overwhelmed by all the pain and hatred she had been bottling up, and briefly abandoned everything she stood for to try and kill him -- and failed. Compared to then...] ... the hatred just isn't there.

What I hate is this game itself. And I don't trust your agenda in it -- I simply can't believe it's something we'd willingly help you with, since you've been keeping it from us. That being said... I don't think most of that wouldn't carry over, if we had met under different circumstances.

[She runs a hand through her stray bangs, trying to match more of her thoughts to words. It's a strange conversation to be having, but it's not merely born of respect -- as she said to Luca, at this point it seemed their team had committed itself to the cause of killing the Adjudicator. And that made her meditate on whether or not they should. Even despite her (poorly upheld) pacifist stance, her answer surprised her.]

I guess what I'm really trying to say is... if it comes down to it and I find myself in that arena against you, I am going to fight you tooth and nail. Which is why I want you to know ahead of time that it's nothing personal.

[...Interesting.]

It's nothing personal for me, either, if you end up down there. Though I'm wondering how likely you think it is that you're going to.

Under normal circumstances? There wouldn't be the slightest chance. As much as I miss my freedom... I'd rather give that up before my integrity.

[With a grim tone, she continues...]

... but there's a reason it's bothered me so much that this game is so unfair.

[...]

...You can talk about it, if you want. It doesn't bother me.

[On one hand, it seems like a spectacularly bad idea to tell the man handing out incentives how to flip her murder switch. Like slipping him a wildcard under the table.

On the other, there's an odd sort of freedom in talking to an enemy, since one doesn't have to worry about scaring them off. And come to think of it...]

Tell me, Juri. [He did say he preferred his name.] How much do you actually know about us? About who we were before we showed up here? Did you write up those profiles, and give us all titles?

I was the one who did all that, yeah.

[He doesn't seem to be forthcoming about the rest, but that's just kind of how he is a lot of the time. Receive two or three questions, answer one of them.]

[Eventually, someone should point out to Jean how stupid it is that she gives him those kinds of opportunities. But for now, it slips her attention again.]

Well, then, you must know what I was before I was a dancer, right? Unless you weren't paying attention to why it was on my profile.

[Oddly enough, no one's asked her about that particular dislike.]

I know what you were, and I know why it's there.

[Well, you have his full attention by now, at least.]

[Should she be relieved that she was right about that? At least it makes it easier to air her real grievances.]

... it was my choice to abandon that wretched art. No one told me to do it, I never had my eyes opened by a life changing epiphany -- I decided on my own that it was wrong, and I would not accept it anymore.

But a choice isn't so simple as hitting a button and watching the world change around you, is it? It's committing yourself to that course of action and seeing it through. And in my case, it meant I had to clean up the overemotional mess I was and build a better person out of it. I've been working on it for years...

I'm far from finished, but I was proud of how much I had accomplished -- and now this damn game is trying to break it back down again.

[He's quiet for a moment after that's out there; his gaze doesn't dart away the way it often does, he isn't breaking eye contact or looking for something to do with his hands. He's just kind of staring, and the expression is a little intense, though it seems to be at least partially due to perhaps not knowing what else to do with his face at the moment.]

If you really believe that, then I'd think it's a matter of not letting it.

You still have choices that you can make here.

[Hearing that reaffirms what she was already thinking about Juri. Given his role and the apparently point of this game, one would think he'd be more interested in pulling the pain behind all her melodrama out to the surface. Instead...

It's almost funny. But while she suppresses her laughing habit, she does still find a smirk starting to come to her lips.]

Yeah, you're right about that one. And that, I guess, is the goal I've set in my mind here. I didn't come this far just to give up now.

But... I'm not so arrogant that I don't see what kind of danger I'm in. I know I must still have a breaking point. And if I reach that...

[Her voice is resigned, but surprisingly, not heavy.] ... well. I trust you to hold nothing back.

[Again, he's quiet for a moment at that, though he's kind of smirking to himself a bit once all that's out there.]

I'm not going to give you guidance once way or another, because it's not my job to do that and really? It's none of my business. You'll do whatever it is you'll do, with or without my help.

But I won't hold anything back if you don't.

PRIVATE MEETINGS

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